Black
Fatherhood Aint About Being No Superheroes
by Kenny 'Cinque' Anderson
“Are you alone? Understand that if we’re gonna win we've got to get together, stay together, be together, stick together. So, tell me why can't you understand that there ain't no such thing as a superman? There ain't no such thing as a superman!” – Gil Scott Herron
“Indeed, Black fathers like Black mothers are not superheroes, a superhero is a fictional character that does not exist in real life. Regarding the prefix ‘super’, one of its definition means “over and above”, yes Black fathers must strive to get beyond and overcome the racist challenges we face in America. However, to accept the weight of being a Black father as an unrealistic superhero is to carry it with a quiet sense of being unsuccessful, unsatisfied, and unfulfilled.” – KenRaySun
Today another annual Father’s Day is here, we are once again greeted with titles such as Black fathers are superheroes; commercials filled with smiling Black dads, backyard barbecues, sentimental cards, and sales on ties and tools.
For many Black men, this father’s holiday brings a contrasting and complicated mix of pride and pain. No, Black fathers are not individualistic supermen or heroes, how can we be when we haven’t saved ourselves from being at the bottom of almost every socioeconomic measure in America.
So, let’s get to the historical truth of the matter that the racist system in America has never truly cared nothing about Black fathers. Not during slavery, not in the Jim Crow and post-civil rights period; not during the crack epidemic or the COVID-19 pandemic; not for decades by racist police who constantly murder unarmed Black fathers, and certainly not now under Trumpism ‘white racist backlash’.
Slavery Exempting Black Fatherhood
From the origin of its enslavement system, America has systematically restricted and sabotaged Black men’s ability to be fathers in the fullest sense. On the plantation, Black men were never allowed to function as fathers.
Enslaved Black fathers were breeders, stripped of humanity, separated from their families at the auction block, denied the right to love, nurture, and guide their children. This calculated destruction of family structures was not incidental it was foundational to white supremacy. It served to deny Black people the generational strength that comes from family continuity and paternal presence.
Today, although the chains look different, they are still tightly wrapped around the lives of millions of Black fathers. The undermining continues in modern form through mass incarceration, discriminatory hiring practices, media demonization, systemic poverty, over-policing, and under-resourcing, this is psycho-socioeconomic warfare.
Regarding psychological warfare, Black fathers are constantly bombarded with racist stereotypes and false narratives: either as absent and irresponsible, or as hyper-masculine saviors who must bear the weight of protecting their entire families from the violent forces of racism. Socially, we’re expected to live up to impossible standards or be condemned. Economically, we are often blocked from opportunities, then blamed for not being ‘providers’.
Black Fathers Take Off Your Capes We’re Not Supermen!
This brings us to a very important point: Black fathers are not superheroes and should not be expected to be! No, Black fathers are not supermen that can save their wives or lady-friends from their own internal issues of childhood distress, trauma, mental health problems, character flaws, etc.
We cannot wave a masculine therapeutic wand, and she’s totally saved ‘healed’. We can offer her insight and support, but we are not internal repair saviors – even Jesus can’t save them or us from inner or outer adversities in this life. As Black fathers we can't save Black women from racist oppression, we have to struggle together with them to end oppression and build a better world.
No, we cannot make Black women happy; we can only do our part in facilitating happiness. There is an unrealistic expectation ‘self-fulfilling failure prophecy’ placed on Black men to be like mythical perfect white fathers, invincible saviors: working multiple jobs, emotionally available 24/7, protecting their families from every societal blow, satisfying everybody, and somehow remaining untouched by the chronic stress they carry.
This mythology does not serve us as Black fathers in fact it creates stress producing chronic diseases and sets us up for depression. As Black fathers when we fall short of these super-inflated ideals, we’re often met with disappointment, resentment, and judgment—not support.
This false superhero image leads to dissatisfaction when false and unrealistic expectations aren’t met; a disgust when Black fathers appear to be ‘regular’, and the dissolution of families when internalized disappointment festers.
Black Fathers Can’t Save Everybody
The dominant narrative of fatherhood in American culture is shaped by wealth, materialism, and performance: the “provider,” the “fixer,” the “hero.” These images are rooted in white male supremacy’s patriarchal and capitalist ideals that measure a man’s worth by his income, job title, or how many problems he can solve for others.
But for Black fathers, this narrative is a trap, especially without power we cannot be “Mr. Fix Everybody.” The superhero burden is not only unrealistic, but also overwhelming and exhausting. It erases our humanity and sets us up for inevitable collapse. This ultimate fixer identity springs from ego often shaped by pretention and machoism; exaggeration not wholeness.
Let me say this to Black fathers who are committed to self-healing regarding the limits of the superhero complex, there are people in our lives (wives, lady-friends, others) that refuse to change for the better who we cannot so-called save. Let me also state this Black men, the Black women in our lives can encourage us 24/7 to address our inner woundedness and vices but if we aint serious 'for real' they are doing it in vain wasting their time!
By failing to fix others personal problems due to their refusal will have negative effects on your relationships and health. Black fathers the superhero complex is reflected in 2 modes, first believing it’s the right thing to do in assisting people you care about; second, ego-driven to save others because you believe no one else can “I am the Man”! (unique omnipotence fallacy).
Yes, Black fathers for the folks we care about to change for the better, they must want it themselves! You can’t force it, if they feel compelled our solution efforts will lead to our folks resenting us, I know this all too well. We can care more about solving their problems (mental health, addictions, bad attitude, irresponsibility, etc.) than those actually dealing with the problem.
Yes, Black fathers our sacrifices of time, money, resources, neglecting personal needs, and overextending ourselves to help people we care about who are deceptive and non-committed to self-improvement has negative effects on us:
*Frustration with others and yourself
*Burnout and feeling depressed
Black fathers though we don’t want to see those we care about experience difficult problems they’ve chosen, however until they reach a readiness level to change they won’t! Thereby, we have to care about them from a distance giving them space to learn and grow from their choices.
Precariousness of Income-Based Black Fatherhood
As Black fathers we’ve been taught narrowly that to be a man means to “provide.” But in racist America, our ability to provide is always under threat! We are still almost totally dependent on the corporations and businesses of white fathers as our sources of income and that means we’re always economically vulnerable!
Black men if we tie our sole worth as fathers to our income and employment, we will always be on unstable ground. The economic system in America was never structurally designed for Black men to flourish autonomously.
Historically and presently, we remain economically vulnerable subject to the whims of white-owned corporations, racialized hiring and firing practices, and economic policies that treat Black labor as expendable.
Black fathers, we are the last hired and the first fired, and when recessions or layoffs come, our jobs are the first to go. The truth about Black fatherhood in America, is, the overwhelming majority of Black men will never gain generational wealth!
Current data shows the percentage of Black men who make six figures in America is only 6 percent and 76% of Black men are living paycheck-to-paycheck. For most Black men in America being a father is not realizing financial success, it is a real grinding struggle ‘uphill battle’ of economic survival that is demoralizing and can grind you down if you don’t have character.
When we internalize the idea that our fatherhood is only valid when we’re employed or “bringing home the check,” we become dependent on a system that doesn’t value us. This creates an ‘external locus of control’ that causes our sense of identity and self-worth to be in the hands of employers, market forces, and institutions that were never built for us economically thriving.
Indeed, Black fathers we must do everything we can to create financial independence and create multiple-streams of income, however Black fatherhood based on the acceptance of a restricted external monetary definition leads to deep insecurity, a fear that we are only as good as what we can provide ‘buy’.
As Black fathers we cannot control global and domestic economic forces; we can’t control recessions, hyper-inflation, and stock market instability; as a matter fact no country on earth can, but we can control the quality of our fatherhood relationship responses. NO BLACK MEN OUR FATHERHOOD IDENTITY IS NOT BASED ON OUR INCOME!
Black Fatherhood in Perspective
In many cases the failing outcomes of Black fathers are not due to a lack of effort, love, or desire to be responsible. They come from an oppressive racist system that says there are opportunities but marginalizes Black men and burdens them with roles too heavy to carry alone; as Malcolm X said:
“I will never say that progress is being made. If you stick a knife in my back nine inches and pull it out six inches, there's no progress.”
So, what then is Black fatherhood? From my perspective it’s not the goal of being like privilege white fathers, or ultimately providing a home in the suburbs, a new car, or nice clothes and a college education for the kids. It’s not about projecting a lifestyle image of permanent financial achievement or fulfilling a consumerist image of success.
Authentic Black fatherhood is not built on how much one can give in money or material form, but how much one can be in character, presence, and purpose. It is not about performing for conformity, validation, respectability, or maintenance. It’s about grounding one’s sense of Black fatherhood on authentic values, conscious intention, and self-determination.
The foundation of Black fatherhood must rest on the inner core attributes of 'Manhood Principles’, this character sense of fatherhood creates an ‘internal locus of control’. It’s about who we are, not what we have. A character-based sense of fatherhood is rooted in something no job can give, and no employer can take away: our values, our integrity, our presence, and our love.
Black fatherhood based on character has the qualities that sustain families, break generational negative patterning, builds self-determining communities, and contributes to racial progress. Some of these character traits are leadership, justice, compassion, reconciliation, and healing:
Leadership in fatherhood is not about commanding authority, it’s about embodying integrity; it means modeling accountability, showing up consistently, and guiding not from ego but from wisdom.
A Black father’s leadership is clear-minded; a steady hand, a moral compass, and resiliency. This leadership is about teaching Black children by example of how to live with self-esteem and self-respect in a world that often refuses to honor them. Justice is a core principle of fatherhood because our children grow up in a world that often denies them fairness.
A Black father instills the courage to tell the truth, even when it’s unpopular, and to demand dignity in every space and a refusal to accept racial injustices. Justice within the home also means fairness, treating family members with respect, creating an environment of trust, open communication, and correcting with love, not shame or fear.
Compassion may be the most radical quality of all. In a society that tells Black men to be hard, compassion is a rebellion. It means making space for emotion—our own and that of our children. It means listening with patience, offering hugs at times instead of harsh words, and being emotionally present even when frustrated or tired. Compassion is not weakness, it’s a strength softened by empathy.
To be a Black father and a reconciler is to embrace a calling far greater than any title or role. It means seeing yourself as a repairer of the breach; a man who, through love, leadership, accountability, and apologizing, brings healing to the generations before and after him 'Sankofa-Resolution'.
The first work of reconciliation begins with acknowledging what was wrong ‘broken’. Many Black men were raised without their fathers or with emotionally unavailable ones. This absence wasn’t always because of lack of love, it was often the result of incarceration, systemic poverty, criminalization, or unhealed trauma. Being a reconciler doesn’t mean ignoring this history; it means confronting it with truth and intention.
A reconciling Black father actively works to rebuild these bonds. He fosters open conversations. He makes amends for past neglect. He apologizes not just once, but often and sincerely whenever it’s needed.
As a Black father if you’ve been in the wrong whether due to absence, harshness, silence, or emotional distance reconciliation means having the courage to say: “I’m sorry, I was a ‘lower’ version of me, but now I want to be a better ‘higher’ version of myself.”
Finally, a Black father must be a healer. We carry wounds that our fathers and their fathers never had the chance to know, name, and let alone treat. These wounds of trauma, emasculation, distress, emotional repression, abandonment, rage, and despair must be self-intervened to prevent continuation.
Black fathers and Black men in general we must engage in holistic healing relationships with Black women because we both have been psycho-emotionally impaired by Post Traumatic Slavery Disorder, internalized racism, toxic communication and behavior.
Black fathers we must become whole, not fragmented fragile egos; our healing is spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical, Healing is not just for ourselves, it’s for the generations after us; our healing is choosing to stop the sabotaging cycle, even if we didn’t start it. To be a healing father is to embrace therapy, spiritual grounding, open communication, and the hard work of self-reflection, self-criticism, and self-correction.
In closing, this Father’s Day, Black men let us reject the idea that fatherhood must be exceptional ‘superhero’ to be valid. Our value as Black fathers is not in how much pain we can endure without complaint, but in how deeply we can grow, guide, and be reliable. We are defined by our capacity to lead with love and at times tough-love; we must parent with purpose; rising each day with courage and the intention to do better.
As Black fathers and grandfathers we cannot allow ourselves to be defined by white supremacist stereotype projections, character assassinations, or consumerist illusions. Yes, this racist anti-Black male system does everything to remove us; make us disappear but we are still here, and we are still standing!
As Black men we must speak honestly about what kind of fatherhood we’re standing in. From my perspective we must stand in, showing up every day redefining Black fatherhood not as superhero, but as responsible; not as performance, but as presence; not as perfection, but as participation; not as dominance, but as dedication.
For me these are some of the foundations of Black fatherhood; they are realistic acts, not impossible super-heroism.
